Can you believe it? It’s been 40 years since hundreds of thousands of hippies traveled to New York for three days of sex, drugs and rock and roll. The Woodstock baby is officially entering middle age. If you were at Woodstock, you are probably retired in Florida by now, or will be soon. Face it, folks, Woodstock was a long time ago.
This weekend, some of the remaining original acts got together again for a little reunion show. By little, we mean real little. There were about 15,000 people, instead of 400,000 at the first Woodstock. There was nobody naked (we hope), and there was no rolling around in the mud. This time, they probably remembered the whole thing, too. Unlike last time, when everyone did so much acid, it’s a wonder they managed to make it home at all.
In honor of Woodstock’s 40th birthday, we’re bringing you the top things that nobody remembers about Woodstock.
10. Who Knows Whether Or Not We Took The Brown Acid?
You spent 37 hours curled up in the fetal position muttering about somebody’s cat laughing at you. On second thought, it’s probably better that you don’t remember that part.
9. Who (Or What) Were Our Sex Partners?
After you pass a certain point of being high, does it really even matter who you’re humping? For all you know, you could have been getting it on with one of the animals from a nearby farm (an easy mistake, considering they were less hairy than the girls at Woodstock).
8. How Did We Get Here In The First Place?
You try asking for directions when the guy in the gas station’s face is melting, and see if you remember a word he says!
7. Who In The Hell Is Keef Hartley?
Keef was apparently the replacement for Ringo Starr in the band that Ringo left to join the Beatles. His band played Woodstock, but it must have been while everyone was sleeping, because nobody remembers a thing about the guy.
6. What Were We Protesting?
We know we’re here for a reason. Let’s see if we can remember what it was. Oh, yeah. Vietnam. Wait, are we for or against Pho? Never mind, dude, pass the joint.
5. Dude, Where’s My Car?
Now, did we park on Groovy Way? Maybe it was Patchouli Parkway. Wait, what’s a car?
4. What Is Joe Cocker Singing?
All I need is this turbine!
3. Where Are Our Souls?
Yeah, it didn’t take long for all those free love hippies to turn into investment bankers and elect Ronald Reagan. Their biggest crime? The movie “The Big Chill.”
2. Whatever Happened To Our Friends At Woodstock?
You were best friends since the second grade. You were next door neighbors your whole life. You worked and saved up all summer, so you could go to Woodstock. Somewhere during the second day, you got separated and you never saw them again.
1. Does Anyone Remember The Music?
It’s a damned good thing somebody filmed the whole thing, or nobody would have even known about all the music that happened that weekend. Wait, there was music?
It’s too bad Triumph the Comic dog wasn’t around at Woodstock to make fun of all those hippies like he did at Bonnaroo. What’s creepier than 500,000 hippies? This hippie yoga video, that’s what.
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