We’ve all experienced it. Some artist you hate takes one of your all-time favorite songs and completely, thoroughly destroys it forever. Sometimes, it’s so bad that the sense of loss makes you want to go back and destroy the recordings from the original artist, just so it could never be covered. It’s a small sacrifice to spare yourself the feeling of disillusionment and loss.
There are times when cover songs work out great. They can even turn out better than the original. See Jimi Hendrix “All Along the Watchtower”.
We’re not concerned with those today. We’re focusing on the biggest remake fails in music history. All unlucky 13 of them. It’s the 13 Worst Cover Songs of All Time.
13. Lords of the New Church – “Like a Virgin”
Yeah, this cover was so intentionally horrible that it was awesome. Particularly the belching. R.I.P. Stiv Bators.
12. William Shatner – “Rocket Man”
Oh, Shat. You can try and try. You can make music, and play in however many legal dramas you want. You’ll always be one character in our minds. Ranger Bob, from the Howdy Doody Show.
11. Britney Spears – “I Love Rock n’ Roll”
Joan Jett is pre-emptively rolling over in her grave.
10. Jonas Brothers – “Take on me”
Yeah, we’ve been bagging on the Jonas Brothers a lot around here. We considered omitting this for that fact, but how could we? The only reason this is only #10 is that it turns out we don’t really care about this song that much, anyway.
9. Miley Cyrus – “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
We hope you’ve enjoyed your childhood, Miley, by destroying ours.
8. Limp Bizkit – “Faith”
Sometimes, you get the feeling that maybe the term “douchebag” is dramatically overused. Then, you remember that Fred Durst exists.
7. Jessica Simpson – “Take My Breath Away”
Not only does it kill the Berlin song, it kills the whole Top Gun soundtrack. At least nobody’s covered “Danger Zone.” (Please, tell us nobody’s covered “Danger Zone”.)
6. Mariah Carey – “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak”
It’s not that we’re emotionally attached to 80s metal or anything, but seriously? Who green lighted this?
5. (tie) Olivia Newton John, Adam Lambert – “Ring of Fire”
We simply can’t decide which painful cover of the Johnny Cash classic breaks our hearts more. If only they’d do a duet version.
4. Scissor Sisters – “Comfortably Numb”
To be honest, if you heard this and didn’t see the song title, you’d think it’s just another really crappy song. Then, you figure out what song they’re doing, and you want to stab people. With scissors, appropriately enough.
3. Tori Amos – “Smells Like Teen Spirit”
Tori has so many bad cover songs, she could put together a whole album of horrible cover songs. In fact, she did just that. Eminem? Slayer? It was what she did to Nirvana that hurts the most.
2. Celine Dion and Anastasia – “You Shook Me All Night Long”
Headbangers, y’all can just skip over this one. We know AC/DC has been known to make people turn violent (Night Prowler, anyone?), but that’s nothing compared to what this will do. You can’t handle the truth!
1. Duran Duran – “911 is a Joke”
Your eyes and ears are not deceiving you. This is really happening. The only way this could be any whiter is if someone was playing a Theramin.
Wow. You made it all the way through. We’re impressed. It’s time to reward yourself by checking out the Creepiest Album Covers of All Time. For you Patriots, see the Worst Versions of the National Anthem. If you still have any sense of self-respect after enduring all of that, there’s the Worst Hairdos in Rock and Pop History.
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