We were looking for the stupidest rhymes any MC had ever dropped, and we knew just the place to start. Real old school hip hop fans. We sent the question over to our friends at the Old School Hip Hop Fans page on Facebook, and we learned two things:
Facebook commenting is whack. They only allow so many comments before they start booting old comments. So, we’re pretty sure we missed some good ones, ’cause there were 1,406 comments in all!
Hip Hop is dead. That crap y’all are trying to pass for rhymes today is the very definition of STUPID.
(If you’re looking to learn some more, check out the 10 Best Lessons Hip Hop Taught Us About Life).
So, thanks again to everyone who left their nominations, we’ve whittled it down to the worst of the worst, the dumbest of the dumb, the 10 Whackest Rap Lyrics of All Time.
10. Nice n’ Smooth.
Ay yo, Dizzy Gillespie plays the sax
Miles Davis played the drums, Charlie Mingus played the piano, and Charlie Parker played the xylophone!
9. Coolio
If you got beef, then eat a pork chop.
Beef: it’s the other other other other white meat!
8. The Rappin Duke
Titwillow, titwillow, titwillow, etc., etc.
Not only was this song one of the dumbest ideas ever, but he’s dissing Kurtis Blow and Run DMC. Now Kurtis Blow, Run-D.M.C. You haven’t heard of rap, til ya heard it from me I’m the baddest rapper in history And there’ll be no more, after me. In the 80s, when bad = good, this line was a joke. Now that bad = bad again, Duke was right on target, pilgrim.
7. Paul Wall
I’m crawling similar to a ant cuz I’m low to the earth
People’s feelings get hurt when they figure out what I’m worth
How much will you be worth once people shoo your little ant ass off of their plate of potato salad?
6. Nice n’ Smooth
My rhymes are stronger than ammonia
I’m a diamond, you’re a cubic zirconia
You guys made this list twice, and you’ve earned it. We’re considering you for a lifetime achievement award for dumb lyrics.
5. Chingy
I like ‘em Chinese, Japanese, even Asian.
Quick, someone get that boy a map! Ah, hell. What good would it do, anyway?
4. Big Daddy Kane
So I can lick upon your toes until your revlon dissapear.
Uhh. Kane? Just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Revlon toe pop?
3. Notorious B.I.G.
You look so good, I’ll suck on your daddy’s d*ck.
Biggie, we’re pretty sure that method of picking up a woman only works in Kentucky and Tennessee.
2. Warren G.
I say whats next, whats next whats N-X-E-T.
Someone get that guy Hooked on Phonics. Hell, Reading Rainbow, we don’t care. Just make it quick. Q-I-U-K.
1. Soulja Boy
Anything that ever comes out of his mouth.
Face it, Souljah Boy, you’re the wackest rapper that ever lived. We couldn’t even count the number of folks who said you were the stupidest of all time. We’d say you should make your next song about how dumb your rhymes are, but we know it would just be another stupid Soulja Boy song!
Honorable mention: Anyone else out there today pretending to be an MC. We’re looking at you, Lil Wayne.
If you’ve got some ideas for some lists you’d like to see us cover, drop us a line at tips@funkjelly.com. Meanwhile, check out the Best Dance Moves in Hip Hop History, and another candidate for the wackest rap ever, The Pervert Rap.
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