Marilyn Manson, the genetic freak whom we shall refer to as Mar-Man (on account of he’s looking like a roasted marshmallow these days), has an explanation as for why his music sucks.
“Columbine lost me everything,” Mar-Man says.
Columbine. Yes, we all remember those two bastard kids who opened fire on their classmates, and everyone said they listened to Mar-Man, and it made them crazy. It was the best publicity Mar-Man ever had, and his album sales skyrocketed.
“I essentially lost everything because of Columbine but, if it happened now, it just wouldn’t have the same impact. There has to be that first person who takes the arrows in the back and I guess that was me.”
Oh, Mar-Man, we’d love to shoot arrows in your back, but it has nothing to do with Columbine. If you want to know why your music sucks, and nobody’s buying it, we’ve got the answers! Pay attention, Mar-Man, this is what lost you everything.
Mar-Man was a crappy ripoff of Alice Cooper and Skinny Puppy
You weren’t the first to do weird, and you weren’t the weirdest, by a long shot.
Goth Snuggie not nearly as popular as creepy androgenous boob suit.
In a game of Snuggie/Boob Suit/Trenchcoat, Snuggie beats trenchcoat, but Boob Suit beats everything. You always play the Boob Suit.
Rose McGowan dumped your freaky ass.
Half the people were only watching to try to figure out what the hell she saw in you. Now we know the answer: NOTHING.
Dita von Teese dropped your ass
You’ve gotta punch your own weight, kid. There’s a whole legion of dudes who somehow manage to coax a really hot girl to let them into their panties, then they cheat on them with some random ho. It always turns out the same way. You go begging for them to take you back, and their career skyrockets, while yours turns to crap.
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