We’ve been digging through your yearbooks here, and we’ve come up with all kinds of treasures. So many, in fact, that the only way to do justice to the awkwardness of these photos is to break them down by genre. (Be sure to check out some other amazing yearbook photos of celebrities, politicians, and comedians.)
Remember that scrawny kid you used to beat up in high school? Judging from these photos, he’s probably in a metal band, now.
From the geeks to the dorks to the complete stoners, these guys were anything but intimidating in high school. Today, we bring you the 10 Amazing Yearbook Photos of Metal Stars.
10. Gene Simmons
Gene looked like the squarest square in the school. Hell, he was probably more of a dullard than most of the teachers, though he did have a certain sort of David Berkowitz look about him.
9. Tommy Lee
Oh, Tommy. One of these days, you’re going to grow a real mustache, and you’re going to stick your little Tommy in places where no man should go. Actually, Tommy looked far more prepared for his second career: single-handedly launching the entire Celebrity Porn Empire.
8. Eddie Van Halen
Amazingly enough, Eddie didn’t changed all that much over the years. Until recently, that is. In the last couple years, he’s started to look like the homeless drunk in your hometown who asks you things like “Hey, boys, you ever seen a grown man’s pecker?” We wish he still wore the bow tie.
7. Jon Bon Jovi
OK. This is a lie. This is really Jo, from The Facts of Life.
6. Dave Mustaine
DOOOOOD. You know what’s totally more gnarly than death? Megadeth. Uhh. You want some nachos?
5. Slash
With that afro and polyester, Slash was voted “most likely to become Larry, from Three’s Company.”
4. James Hetfield
If we had a time machine, we’d go back and kick that scrawny little wimp’s ass, before he developed his evil scheme to kill Napster.
3. Axl Rose
Nice chili bowl, Peppermint Patty.
2. Kirk Hammett
We have it on good authority that Metallica had the highest per capita of beatings in high school of all the metal bands. Kirk, where’s our book report?
1. Paul Stanley
No wonder he started wearing all that KISS makeup. Paul looked so awkward and fragile with his weird little avocado head, he’s gonna start crying if the cameraman says so much as “cheese.”
Like this post? Check out the 16 Funniest Fake Bands of All Time. Spoiler alert: Spinal Tap’s on there.
Comments