Unless you’re a member of the Society for the Recapture Virginity, you only really get one shot at this. You’d better make it good. Whether it’s good or goes horrifically bad, this is a moment (which is about how long it will last) that you will remember for the rest of your lives.
For some of us, it’s just poor timing. For the rest, it’s poor choices. Whatever the case, people are losing their hymens in all the wrong ways, and it all starts with the music.
We’ve collected a list of songs that guarantee, if you lose it while listening to these, you’re flat out doing it wrong. Call those folks at the SRV, with the quickness.
Here are our 10 Worst Songs to Lose Your Virginity To:
10. Fred Schneider – “Monster”
When Fred Schneider sings about it, it just sounds so much more like CHUDDS monster than Love Monster.
See the top 9 after the jump.
9. “Daddy Sang Bass”
We could have gone with any number of versions of this song, but Alvin and the Chipmunks really drive the point home.
8. Sisqo – “Thong Song”
The last time a booty went DUHDUHDUH in bed, we spent a day in the ER.
7. Baha Men – “Who Let the Dogs Out?”
And get them out of here, they’re licking me!
6. Europe – “The Final Countdown”
5… 4… 3… oh, sh!t!
5. Karl Orff – “O Fortuna”
You’ll never be able to have sex again without thinking of Lord of the Rings.
4. Tool – “Prison Sex”
Unless, of course, you are losing your virginity in prison, in which case we can’t think of a more appropriate song.
3. Ween – “The HIV Song”
Aids.
2. Adam Green – “No Legs”
On the plus side, this does open a whole new level of never before thought of positions.
1. Samwell – “What What (In the Butt)”
Whether you’re gay, straight, or anywhere in between, you’re still doing it WRONG.
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