There have been feuds as long as there has been music. It didn’t start with Kanye vs. 50 Cent. It didn’t even start with Tupac vs. Biggie. Even Joseph Haydn once called Beethoven a “deaf mama’s boy with an unpowdered wig.”
There have been many, but we are living in the golden age of musical feuds, right now, kids. We’ve collected the funniest cat fights around. We can only hope these end in a steel cage match to the bloody finish.
10. Trent Reznor vs. Marilyn Manson
This week, Trent called Marilyn a “dopey clown.” Does that make Trent a “doughy clown?”
See the top 9 bestest cat fights after the jump.
9. Clay Aiken vs. Lamberace.
When you’re always a bridesmaid and never a bride, like these two, you have to fight over the garter toss. Shut up shut up shut up shut up.
8. Tori Amos vs. American Idol
Tori says the judges on American Idol are too mean. Tori Amos wrote several songs that once got us laid. Tori Amos wrote even more songs that got us c***-blocked, when it made the girls all emotional. Then, Tori nursed a pig, and that’s when we stopped caring about what Tori Amos thought about anything.
7. Black Star vs. Crazy Whiteys
“How come white Presidents exit Air Force One like this, and black Presidents exit Air Force one like this?”
6. Ozzy vs. Black Sabbath
Ozzie is suing Black Sabbath. This is probably what the soldiers in the Civil War felt like when they had to fight against their brothers, if they really really hated their brother’s reality TV shows.
5. Courtney Love vs. AMEX.
Amex is suing Courtney because she charged about $75 billion on crack and “You remember that time when Kurt Cobain’s baby came out of my vagina?” t-shirts. When the kids asked you why the economy collapsed and you now live in your car, show them Courtney Love.
4. Phish vs. the Cops
Forget marijuana. You should all be arrested for possession of Phish tickets.
3. John Rich vs. Jared Ashley.
Rich says Ashley is trying to steal money from him, tried to break in his house, and threatened to beat him up. We remember when country musicians used to write songs about stuff like this, instead of whining to the police about it.
2. Pink vs. Kanye
Pink is copping 50 cent’s schtick because Kanye said he wanted to see more fur at a fashion show. We’d like to have a coat made out of Pink, to wear with our baby seal skin boots.
1. Lady Gaga vs. The Jonas Brothers’ Virginity.
Gaga wants to have a foursome with the Jonas Brothers. Between the four of them, they add up to make almost one whole man.
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